uber.com is being a bitch to me
so I'm moving here

I feel as if my life is back on track once again, and it just feels great. I really relish the nights I'm having now, just youtube.com, msn and me. Yes, I am a technology-oholic and I'm not afraid to admit it! First step to recovery you see.

Today marked the end of my participation in the Singapore International Film Festival. Honestly, I wish I could go for more films but my depleted bank account wouldn't stand for it. Sometimes, i find it so strange how they are trying to make art more approachable for the public in Singapore, yet they place them at such exorbitant prices it just restricts it to the elites in the end. I suppose they do need to place it to fund themselves and due to a small market. Such a catch 22 situation.

andrew de torres of danger radio

On another note, I really really like danger radio:)))).
Sometimes, I'm really glad that when I have noone to turn to, I could just plug in some music and let my emotions eat me away from the inside. Helps with the facade really.

I'm zipping round on a self high today:)))
manic- depressive episodes are scary
but when you hit the crest, it's such a great feeling
you forget the terrible rock bottom you hit the last four days
crash and burn till I was charred
and run around on the endorphins produced by the burns.
AWESOME.

And yes, I am still procrastinating.

Through this open world Im a-bound to ramble,
Through ice and snows, sleet and rain,
Im a-bound to ride that mornin railroad,
Perhaps Ill die on that train.

I think I need a defibrillator to jump start my dying heart. I need to learn the curvature of a smile once again, a refresher course on how to laugh once more.

Perhaps what I really need, is a new life and break that darn habit of mine.

I just want to die. Now.
Existence and the world is too tiring.

My mood swings are as variant as viking ship. Sometimes I do suspect myself to be a tad bipolar, and it frightens me. Perhaps some prozac would really do me good. I need some speed to get me through this life, everything is just so tiring.

I'm tired of life, of dealing with people, of having to do work. When I pull the brakes on my life, I just think what am I really do all this for, what am I living for? I feel so ill-equipped to trudge through all this and it would be great to end it all. All I need is a little courage to take the leap, to go deep, take the plunge.

Sometimes I think my body is hinting to me to do so, I can feel my windpipe closing in on me at night as my heart cringes along with it. It tightens so much I really feel as if I'm suffocating. I guess its all a sign.

Seemed to stop my breath
My head on your chest
Waiting to cave in

For all those who KNOW KNOW what has been going on with me, I'd just like to say that IT'S ALL OVER. I had finally kicked it in the arse and walked away. Thanks for listening to all my wailings and whinings, my gripes and groans.

Tonight was good, when I realized how much I was over it, how easily I had just let it go. I guess brainwashing yourself does work at times. Just say the mantra. Rinse and repeat. All is good again.

Now I have essays and school work to stress about. Ugh.