Yankee Doodling
The 10 Best Candidates To Replace Joe Torre As Manager
A seventh straight New York Yankees season ended in disappointment last night as they failed to win yet another world series. While the rest of the baseball world couldn't be happier, the Yankee faithful are especially sad. Sad because last night's loss also meant the potential end of the Joe Torre era. This accoding to Lord Steinbrenner and his "win or you're fired" Torre ultimatum. Knowing Steinbrenner, that probably was Joe Torre's final game as Yankee manager so we decided to put together a list of potential candidates that would be ideal Torre replacements. You know, we thought it'd be nice to cheer up all you self-righteous/arrogant bastard Yankee fans.
#10 Dr. Phil - We all know there's a lot of dissension in the Yankee clubhouse and conflict resolution is Dr. Phil's greatest skill. He'd have to lose the mustache, which would be a tragedy, but Jeter and A-Rod would be taking Pilates classes together in no time.
#9 Jeffrey Lebowski (A.K.A "The Dude") - There's simply too much pressure on the Yankees to win the world series each year and "The Dude" could take care of that in a heartbeat. If the Yankees don't win it all next year, The Dude can proudly turn to his team and say, "F*ck it dudes, let's go bowling."
#8 Richard Simmons - The fitness guru would bring the excitement and flair that the Yankeee clubhouse has been lacking lately. Simmons could also help Jaba Chamberlain and many of the Yankees aging stars to lose weight while teaching players like Giambi and A-Rod how to stay in great shape without steriods.
#7 Kim Jong Il - You know his interview with Steinbrenner would go well since they're both evil dictators. The greatest assest he could offer the Yankees is his ability to "test" new things on the field. Something Torre has failed to do recently.
#6 Lindsay Lohan - Lindsay is a no-nonsense bitch who would be a nice change of pace from the relaxed Joe Torre. The Yankees have also seemed lethargic over the past few seasons and Lindsay could change that by providing the players with some of the killer coke she steals.
#5 King Leonidas - With so many egos competing for attention in the Yankees lineup, King Leonidas could be useful in teaching them how to get over themselves and become one powerful and impenetrable unit. There's no "I" in Spartans, nor Yankees.
#4 Michael Scott - Perhaps what the Yankees need is a little bit more of a fun atmosphere in the dugout. Michael Scott will make sure their job of trying to win the world series next year isn't so hard. That's what she said.
