im supposed to write this monster blog tonight because lots of things have happened..but every time im in the mood on the way home then actually come home and have to deal with shit you couldnt imagine im not exactly in the mood for it.
im also not in the mood for selfish people..or dealing with my depressed mother or having to think about what im missing out on because we cant fucking afford it.
you know i really just want to move now..my moms been talking about it and ive been dishing out reasons why its not a good idea but to be honest..i dont want to be here..and im sick of everything.
some people need to look around and see what they have because honestly id love to be there and hear everything thats happening but im so drained from whats going on at home that i cant deal with it..and honestly no one understands the kind of stress i have to deal with.really id love to spill it all out on here but im sure ill get plenty of shit for complaining or overreacting.
life is so funny...
and im sure ill regret half of this tomorrow

well my stomach hurts...that guilt kind of hurt.and i just spent half an hour writing a long blog with all my thoughts..completely..and truthfully about friends and opinions.said some things i havent even said out loud.but i decided to erase it because i just needed to get it out...not neccesary to post it

this moment, right now..im not happy.
at all.
not like im irritated,im genuinely not happy
itll pass.
and my music taste isnt helping

well today was not eventful...but i thoroughly enjoyed it..
i woke up and watched once..then i watched silence becomes you then some trash tv.
i made soup...it was great
then i talked to kyle on the phone for a little over an hour..he was in an airport and we talked about the randomest things and standards and clothes and tater tots and how much we miss each other and a plan for him to move to san diego..haha
i miss him so much..hes too amazing to have to deal with what he has to lately
took a few naps today..it was refreshing
i watched americas next top model...and they have reached a new level of cheesyness..so ridiculous...and what the fuck to no plus sized models this season...they have a tranny which is great,but no plus sized? whaaat...theee?
im kind of excited for school to officially start..i dont know.haha
im not sure what to bring tomorrow sooo i might be a little unprepared..but im stoked to see whose in my classes and such anddd im going to just be chill.
it'll be good.
oh and i got a soy caramel coffee today..that was a little perk..hah

so yesterday was the last day of the first week...joy
well we got to go to a museum which i think is really great.some kids were whining about it being boring or whatever but i appreciate when schools try to teach in another way..i dont know.okay anyways.so we went to the museum and we learned about water conservation and such..and i personally enjoyed it...hah
got frozen yogurt for lunch then the teacher made sure we were split up because we were entertaining ourselves too much and making way too much noise...typical?yeah
so we watched some straightedge guys bang on some pots and trash cans..rebecca got called up.she got into it.it was epic.haha.we got to see all of our teachers bust a move and i must say im jealous of some of their mad skills.gave rebecca and taylor scalp massages on the way back.hah.then the school provided ice cream for us..which i thought was great

well today was okay.
reaaally not into school but whatever..
we got like an hour to just go on the computer and they called it technology class..hah
we took our ID pictures today and i have to say rebecca,taylor and i probably have the coolest ones in the history of ID's.
sooo Br00T41
nila bought a box of cereal from the market across the street for lunch.i thought it was genius.haha.drew michael jackson stealing a baby..and stuff.mediocre day

soo after school me and my mom went to costco to pick stuff up for this meeting thing.went to her college and got to see this really cool guy thats super chill.his names robert and he has a german accent.hes tiny and wears american apparel and nice shoes.dont see him enough.i also met a guy today thats in his 30's and has already served in 2 foreign wars and is a veteran.i thought it was kinda cool.
took a nap and had weird vivid dreams with taquitos involved.

well my mom wants to move to northern california for a college opportunity.i have to think about it..because she wants to move within the next year probably.im considering it and i never thought i would...im not saying it as a bitch i just really dont know.i can definitely handle being the new kid..nothing new...new people arent always a bad thing..it could be refreshing..and this year is just not the same..and i seem to be fucking it up worse and worse for myself and evidently everyone around me.plus i feel really guilty for holding my mom back more than i already do..shes not done living and i definitely dont want to be the reason shes missing out on opportunities.maybe ill live with my aunt..she makes good asian food and takes me to movies.that would be fun.
i got a tarot card reading over the summer and it said i would have an ending in a friendship or chapter in my life...it kinda makes sense if i were to move.
im not sure i could handle not seeing my friends though..but as of right nooow i dont think it would make a huge impact on anyone else.i dont know it could be good.

or not..im jumbled..its probably just my mood.
tomorrow were going on a field trip...we'll see how it goes
then beccas for sleepover and were hanging out with taylor

well today was so weird..
im confusing and confused..i cant act or react
i seriously overreact..and i cant even get out of it..im realllyy lame
well i talked with lauren more today..it pretty much feels like we hung out everyday of summer.love herrr.well we had 2 and half hours of art today which was really nice and chill..we ordered some pizzas for our group and i drank 2 arizona's.this new kid nilla that pretty much everyone knew before is the most hilarious/laid back kid ever.we had some writing assignments in engish which i enjoyed[not sarcasm] it felt good to write.
stupid stuff.stupid stuff..
then after school went for some errands with my mom then took me to get this amazing sandwich and a chai frapp...my mom went all out because she saw i was doing nooot..sooo..good..haha.i gave half of a sandwich to this homeless guy with diabetes.he ate it..and i felt good and happy for him..it was a pretty gourmet sandwich.
its really funny to me actually that im stressing and sad and im sure that others involved are not evne thinking about it...
im considering moving schools to meet some new people and such...we'll see
i guess i dont reeeally want to..but i do?
i dont know..i miss summer...and my hippie camp friends.more than you eveeen know.i cant handle anything.im...soo.....laamee..
im listening to the misshapes so good..
blaaaaah

well today was the first day of school..what the hell.it was pretty great i guess.i missed lauren so freaking bad..like really really bad and im going to start hanging out with her way more and get close with her again..i hung out with her onnncee over the summer..we used to be the best friends freaking ever and im going to try and make it happen again..misss...myyy...bestt...frieendd.theres some nice little additions to our group and it was pretty amusing and chill.i wore some riiipped leggings/purple skirt thing/black shirt with an environmental design on the back/boots and lots..of..necklaces.eanna was there today..but shes not coming back.im really,really going to miss having her at school to discuss useless facts with/take pictures with when were supposed to be working/pick her up when i hug her...i really really wish she was staying.she bought me an arizona tea which was nice.theyre my favorite and basically the way to my heart is buying me one or hugs..so shes pretty much there..haha.i love my group of friends..theyre pretty great.they had really good cheesy breadsticks with marinara which was a nice surprise..our science teacher thought the WHOREmoans was a good team name..get itttt like hormones..cause were a health school..it was pretty epic.
walked to jessicas work with her after school which was pretty nice..got home around 8:30...it feels weird getting home late on a school night..wow ive never had a life before last year and this year..haha
well school was lovely..i hope tomorrow is good too..this whole week is just getting used to the classes and we play games and talk and even a field trip!
sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet
[oh ps! im still freaking addicted to nevershoutnever]
checkcheckcheck check it out
:]

okay so friday hung out natalie in hillcrest then sleepover..so fun
wasnt expecting to sleepover so we went to rite aid and took some essentials..aha

saturday met up with taylro/josh/brooke at urban outfitters in downtown..saw vic fuentes[pierce the veil] so we talked with him a bit..
went to subway for drinks while we waited for the bus and a crazy elderly man was making a scene...took the bus and got a free ride to hillcrest..thrift stores then greek food then more thrift stores then starbucks.
mostly the other three shopped..i got a purple braided belt/headband from american apparel and some sunglasses..
mom took me to greek food for dinner too..haha

sunday went to beccas for sleepover..went to pb..thrift stores and such..little bros and hoes laughed at us..typical.made good nachos then watched freaky friday..haha soo cool

last day of summer spent:organizing/laundry/figuring out what to wear for school..which is tomorrow
by...the...way..
so ridiculous where did summer go even?
its been amazing..
well im obsessed with nevershoutnever recently,i had a delicious vegan pot pie today, my hair smells good and i should be sleeping
okaybye