I've had one of those weeks where no matter how quiet or polite you are, something bad happens, someone screws you over anyway, you get yelled at for something you didn't do or you generally just seem to end up internally disgruntled. The type of disgruntled where you on the outside try and ignore it, but your face can't help that sort of raised eyebrow, angry eye flick and half sigh. Someone would probably find it highly humorous to listen to my inner monologue during my time period of disgruntle-d-ness. That said, I curse whoevers bright idea it was to have one's feeling dance across one's face without any caution or notice. Sometimes people might find the look in my eyes exceptionally different to my tone of voice and. . . I don't know if I enjoy that fact or I hate myself for it.

Did I mention someone stole my shoes on holiday?

I went out saturday night and some guy called Mark who I'd never met before. He asked me four questions, then waltzed off leaving his wallet with me and came back and split a pack of cigarettes with me. He explained he was a correctional officer who worked with murderers etc, and the entire time he was pyschoanalysing us. All the answers I gave to his weird (but seemingly innocent) questions were the exact same as his answers when he was first asked them. I'm guessing thats why he thought we were trust worthy enough to leave his wallet with us. Either that or the whole things a lie and he's just generally on crack. It was weird. I'm not going to repeat the questions cause if anyone ever asks you them it wont work, and I'm not going to repeat my answers either cause their too intrusive and you'd know too much about me, but to be honest, I was absolutely shocked. Some of the things your mind creates for yourself are honestly so different from actually who you are- nevermind who people try and tell you you are.

Article I found on witty flight attendants etc, kangaroo bit made me laugh out loud:

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other anouncements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.

In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.

If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two or more small children, decide now which one you love more.

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, we'll but try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our cruising altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign. I'm switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight."

"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

"Last one off the plane must clean it."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight...!"

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants' fault...it was the asphalt!"

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally evryone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

Most people would be put off flying by all of this, but if I had witty flight attendants I'd be all go go go.

Yesterday I opened what I thought was a can of cat treats. It turned out to be a writhing maggot soup of food someone had left by his bowl. I don't know how long it must have been there, oh god. Maggoty worm, wormy maggot. Soup. Ergh. Seriously, I screamed, I can't believe I didn't drop it. Ran straight out to the rubbish and threw it in with a mild scream seizure/spaz attack. Neighbours must seriously worry about me. They already think I'm pretty shifty from the amount of times I've tipped drinks out my window to put out the fags that have landed on my roof. Baby, thats living.

I used to know this girl? Called Arabella? She had a kitten called bailey and alarmingly soft carpets. I see her everywhere. Like, I stare at her face and I know it's her. But it's weird cause- I see her face, face I'd recognise trust me- in about twenty different people and . . .none of them are called Arabella. But I'd recognise her face a mile off. I think I might be dealing with the best con artist I've ever seen.

Petits filous adverts keep following me around. Seriously.

The show the hills is literally filled with idiots. The type of people that make me sit cross legged, tearing bits out of my hair screaming 'IDIOT. WHY. SHUTUP. WHY'. It'd be awesome if i was exagerating and if anything it's pretty alarming that i'm not. Mind you, I can't help myself. I get suspiciously into television programs. Dave was telling me if you watch anything with me, you can turn around and I'm pulling the face (most genuinely) of whatever the actor would be pulling at that moment in time. Also, you might note for your own reference, when people dance on telly my legs twitch. Uncontrollably. They twitch in the same pattern they would move if they were the ones dancing. It's for this reason I CANNOT watch bed knobs and broomsticks anymore. Jesus, they're not even human. And my legs are like 'woah wheres the party!'

I digress, I was wasting your time about the hills. Yes, so, it's filled with absolute idiots. And I think it's scripted? But I actually love it. I ACTUALLY love it. I hate it?? You know??? BUT I LOVE IT. I think it's something so primitively girly, deep down somewhere in the depths of me that are still actually human (long, long way down)- so primitively girly, I can't help but bite my lip when Lauren Conrad starts talking to Stephany (stefanny? stefanie? stephanie???...)Pratt FULL WELL KNOWING they shouldn't be talking. And any girl that states she doesn't enjoy watching the bitchy ping pong is LYING. It's hilarious.